we have officially lost it.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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