stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
