I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You can't motorboat a personality
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
