There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
