We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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