The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
