And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
