NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
