I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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