Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
