Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
