They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
