I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
