You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
