I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
pop tarts are not kleenex
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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