soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You made out with two different species that night
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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