On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
