he thought i was a dude.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
