i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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