ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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