I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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