I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
