eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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