oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
