his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
