I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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