I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
