Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
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