No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
