o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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