based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
