If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
