we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
