dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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