so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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