Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
