Define "chronic" masturbator.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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