Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
