closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
