I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
