aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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