Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
