no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
