just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
