the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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