Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
