butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
