You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
