is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
