The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize