Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
