Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
