She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
