Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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