I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
