Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Say something about gay babies.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
