I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
