Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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