just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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