The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
