You really coming over, don't trick.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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