Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
